Brain injuries can change many parts of your life. Learning about brain injuries and possible changes can bring on different emotions. There is no “right” way to feel and you are not alone.
Many children have said that having a parent with a brain injury changes the way they look at life. Some have said it brought their family closer, others said they are stronger.
Sharing feelings can be uncomfortable. Some children act happy when they are sad or scared, thinking this will make them feel better. It may help for a little while, but not over the long term. Holding your feelings inside can keep you from getting the help you need.
Check off any feelings you may have and talk with a trusted adult, even if you have to start the conversation:
Scared
- I’m afraid my parent might die
- I’m not sure what I’m going to see when I go into hospital
- My world feels like it’s falling apart
- I know something bigger is happening than what I’m being told
- I’m afraid that another person will catch a brain injury (they can’t)
Feeling scared is normal. Some fears may be real, others may be based on things that won’t happen. Some fears may reduce over time.
Guilt
- I feel guilty when I don’t visit my parent
- I feel guilty sleeping in my own bed when my parent can’t
- I feel guilty when I laugh or have fun now
You may feel bad for having fun when your parent is in hospital or recovering. Having fun doesn’t mean you care any less. Most parents enjoy seeing their children have fun and it may help their healing too.
Angry
- Why did it have to happen to my parent?
- My life has changed and I have no control over that
- I don’t feel included
- My routines and relationships have changed
- I’ve lost my parent…they’re still there but they’re different
Anger may be shown when you’re feeling other emotions like hurt, being overwhelmed or nervous. Try not to let your anger build up so find a helpful way to relax, like listening to music.
Neglected
- I feel forgotten
- No one talks to me or tell me what’s happening
- We don’t spent time together like we used to
When a brain injury happens, it’s normal for attention to be on the injured parent. Try to remember that everyone is trying their best to understand what’s going on. No one means for you to feel left out. It may happen because so much is going on.
Lonely
- People say they understand but they don’t
- I miss my parent and the way life used to be
- My friends used to come over and now they don’t
- I need to put myself last
- No one tells me anything
Children have said that it helped their loneliness to stay connected with their family so make time to talk to each other. You might find they are having a tough time too.
Hopeful
- I am hopeful that my parent will have a happy life
- No matter the changes, my family are strong
- We’ll get through this together
Remaining positive is a good way to help your parent and your family. While life may have changed in different ways, if you keep a positive mindset, amazing things can happen.
Embarrassed
- My parent speaks without thinking
- In public, my parent laughs or yells a lot
- My friends think my parent is funny, but I say “you should live with them”
- We have to park in disabled parking
- My parent walks differently and uses equipment
Experiencing ‘invisible’ changes in your parent is normal and it may feel like you have become the parent in some ways. Try to find a balance between spending time with your parent and doing activities you enjoy.
What can help?
We all have self-beliefs or self-thoughts that may be positive or negative about our own abilities and potential. These beliefs are part of our mindset which shape our lives, interpret our experiences and our futures. A ‘growth mindset’ is when you believe you can always improve by putting in effort and using the right strategies. Developing a ‘growth mindset’ can help you in situations you may experience with your parent and to achieve your goals. When faced with an experience, consider how you can have a growth mindset to help you through it.
