Impact on you

Whatever your family situation, chances are things have changed since your special person had a brain injury.

You may live with them, or not. No matter, it can be hard to watch someone you love going through these changes.

Changes can begin from when the injury happened, through to weeks, months or years afterwards. It is important to remember that even if your special person gets angry, doesn’t remember, needs to sleep more often or does strange things, their brains work differently and they cannot help what they are doing.

Are you noticing any changes in your life?

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Your relationship with your special person feels different?

They may be pre-occupied (busy) with getting better and not understand how their injury has impacted on you.

Your relationship with either of your parent(s) or other family members has changed?

They may be juggling being at hospital and at home with you.

You are doing more jobs at home?

Are you cooking more? Doing more chores? Looking after your siblings?

Have your routines changed?

Are you going to bed later? Are you getting to sport or other activities? Are you spending some time between home and at the hospital?

Who looks after you is different?

Are family or friends coming over to help look after you? Are different people taking you to school?

The amount of money your family has, has changed and may be less than before?

Are you eating less takeaway? Are activities hard to pay for?

How do you feel about these changes? You may like to talk to someone, draw a picture, or just do something for you, and that’s ok!

When talking to each other, here are some things you could do:

If you’re the eldest child, your brothers or sisters may look to you for support. Help them as much as you can. It’s ok to let them know that you’re having a tough time too. Think about how you could all talk to your parent(s), or involve somebody else you trust to help have these conversations with your parents, about what you’re going through.
If you are looking to your older brother or sister for help, tell them what you’re going through. They may be able to help but won’t have all the answers.
Your family may be going through some stress. Your parents may be more upset or not able to give you as much attention. They are no doubt trying hard to be everything to everyone. Cuddles can say as much as words so try to reach out to them in any way you feel comfortable.
Take a moment to think about what you need right now. It’s ok to do something for yourself like hang out with friends, or ride your bike. If you feel like you are taking on too much, tell someone.

Ways to look after yourself

It’s important to have a healthy mind and body while you juggle everything that’s going on. Here are some tips that have helped other young people:

Stay Connected

Spend time with your friends and family
Keep your hobbies and sport going
Spend time with your pet

Mindfulness

Spend a few minutes focusing on deep, slow breathing to help calm your mind and body
Engage in colouring activities, paying attention to the colours and patters
Take a walk outside and notice the sights, sounds and smells of nature

iBe creative

Write your thoughts and experiences in a journal
Make craft to put up in your special person’s room
Learn to play an instrument

Eat and drink well

Eat a balanced diet
Drink plenty of water
If you’re hungry, go to the fridge instead of the pantry

Eat and drink well

Move your body by walking, running or playing sport
Keep your mind active
Practice yoga or meditation

Feelings

Understanding your feelings

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Scared

I’m afraid my special person might die
I’m not sure what I’m going to see when I go into hospital
I’m afraid that another person will catch a brain injury (they can’t)

Feeling scared is normal. Some fears may be real, others may be based on things that won’t happen. Some fears may reduce over time.

Guilty

I feel guilty when I don’t visit my special person
I feel guilty sleeping in my own bed when my special person can’t
I feel guilty when I laugh or have fun now

You may feel bad for having fun when your special person is in hospital or trying to get better. Having fun doesn’t mean you care any less. Most people enjoy seeing young people have fun and it may help their healing too.

Angry

Why did it have to happen to my special person?
My life has changed and I have no control over that
I don’t feel included

Anger may show up when you’re feeling other emotions like hurt or nervous. Try not to let your anger build up, so find a helpful way to relax like listening to music, pat your pet, play with a friend, or spend time with a trusted person.

Sad

I miss my special person
I don’t do things with my special person any more
I just want to cry all the time

Missing your special person or how life used to be is normal and ok. Think of ways you can be connected by Planning to see them and spend time together. There may be ways you can still do the things you did before, maybe just in a different way.

Jealous

I wish I got as much attention as my special person
I wish it was someone else’s special person
My friends have lots more money and do more things than me

Thinking positively about yourself and your situation is key to helping with jealous feelings. Do activities like writing a journal, saying positive things to yourself, and recognising your own strengths and abilities.

Forgotten

I feel like I’m invisible to everyone around me
No one talks to me or tell me what’s happening
We don’t spent time together like we used to

When a brain injury happens, it’s normal for attention to be on your special person. Try to remember that everyone is trying their best to understand what is going on. No one means for you to feel left out. It may happen because so much is going on.

Worried

What if other people I love get hurt or die?
I won’t be able to cope

These thoughts can be so strong that you believe them. You may feel worried about everyday situations or the future. You are going to be ok, even if you feel scared. By facing your worries, you will feel less afraid over time.

Lonely

People say they understand but they don’t
I miss my special person and the way life used to be
My friends used to come over and now they don’t

Young people have said that it helped their loneliness to stay connected with their family so make time to talk to each other. You might find they are having a tough time too.

Hopeful

I am hopeful that my special person will have a happy life
No matter the changes, my family is strong
We will get through this together

Remaining positive is a good way to help your special person and your family. While life may have changed in different ways, if you think happy thoughts, amazing things can happen.

Embarrassed

My special person speaks without thinking
My friends think my special person is funny, but I say “you should live with them”
We have to park in disabled parking now and everyone looks at us
My special person walks differently and uses equipment

Experiencing ‘invisible’ changes in your special person is normal and it may feel like you have become the parent in some ways. Try to find a balance between spending time with your special person and doing activities you enjoy. If you haven’t seen the section on ‘visible and invisible changes’, click here.

What can help?

Let’s be honest, talking can be hard but it definitely helps to share your problems or thoughts with people you trust. This may be people in your family like your parents, brother/sister, grandparents, or friends, teachers or other important people in your life. There are also services you can call, text or look at on the internet who can support you. If you are not sure, click here.

We all have thoughts about what we can do now and in the future—some are good, and some might not feel so good. These thoughts are part of something called our mindset. Having a “growth mindset” means believing that you can get better at things by trying hard and doing things that help you to stay as positive as possible. This kind of mindset can make a big difference when you’re with your special person. When things feel hard, try to think about how you can use a growth mindset to keep going and handle situations that may pop up.