Impact on you

If a special person has a brain injury, you might be impacted even if you don’t live in the same house as them. It can be very upsetting and stressful as it can take many years to see how the person may recover. During this time, you may be confused, have mixed feelings and feel overwhelmed at times. This is very normal.

It is important to remember that you have a life to live too, and have every right to feel like everything happening to you, and around you, is unfair. It’s important to not blame other people or yourself for what is happening.

When a special person has a brain injury, it’s normal to feel alone. However there are lots of teens going through the same types of things as you.

There could be lots of areas of your life that are being impacted:

Impact on you

Your friends

Your friends are important to you and you’re important to them. You might find that in the past you could tell them everything. Now that your special person has a brain injury, it may seem like a lot is changing, even your friendships.

You may not want to have friends over to your house anymore because you are embarrassed by the behaviour of your special person. Your friends may not ‘get’ how hard it is for you and they may find these behaviours funny or say they are “no big deal”. Many teens have said that they felt their friends don’t truly understand what it’s like and when they make comments, it can frustrate teens who have to live with the person.

“They think it’s funny but I say ‘you should live with him’!”
(Girl, 15 years old)

Friends might come and go, or stop asking you how your special person is going. Often, people who have never known someone with a brain injury, do not truly understand how hard it can be for someone who lives with them because the special person can look the same but be a completely different person. Unfortunately, this is really common, upsetting and an isolating experience for teens.

As a result, some teens like to spend more time away from home or hang out with their friends as is feels more ‘normal’. Other times, teens can feel really jealous that their family has changed and isn’t like other families. This can be really, really hard.

One of the best things you can do is to help your friends understand what you are going through by talking about your experiences and how they can help you. Good friends would love to help if they knew how!

Your school or work life

When a special person has a brain injury, your school or work life can be interrupted.

If you are at school, you spend many hours there so it’s encouraged to let them and your teacher know what has happened. How much of your story you want to share is up to you. By letting your school and teacher know what’s going on, the number of people supporting and looking out for you increases. This is a good thing. If you need a break during class or feel upset, your teacher will understand and may find ways to help you.

Feelings

As you deal with your special person’s brain injury and all the changes to you and your life, you’ll likely feel all kinds of strong emotions. There is no one or “right” way to feel. Some teens have said that having a special person with a brain injury changes the way they look at life. Some found it brought their family closer together, others said they are emotionally stronger and more resilient.

Let’s be honest, sharing feelings can be uncomfortable. Some teens act happy when they are sad or scared, thinking this will make them feel better. It may help for a little while, but not over the long term. Holding your feelings inside can keep you from getting the help you need.

Check the list of emotions below and use them as a way to start conversions with someone you trust:

Scared

I’m afraid my special person might die
I’m not sure what I’m going to see when I go into hospital
My world feels like it is falling apart
I know something bigger is happening than what I’m being told
I’m afraid that another person will catch a brain injury (they can’t)

Feeling scared is normal. Some fears may be real, others may be based on things that won’t happen. Some fears may reduce over time.

Guilty

I feel guilty when I don’t visit my special person
I feel guilty sleeping in my own bed when my special person can’t
I feel guilty when I laugh or have fun now

You may feel bad for having fun when your special person is in hospital or recovering. Having fun doesn’t mean you care any less. Most people enjoy seeing young people have fun and it may help their healing too.

Angry

Why did it have to happen to my special person?
My life has changed and I have no control over that
I don’t feel included
My routines and relationships have changed
I’ve lost my special person…they are still there but they are different

Anger may be shown when you’re feeling other emotions like hurt, being overwhelmed or nervous. Try not to let your anger build up so find a helpful way to relax, like listening to music.

Grief and sadness

I miss my special person
I don’t do things with my special person any more
I just want to cry all the time

Missing your special person or how life used to be is normal and ok. Think of ways you can remain connected by Planning to see and spend time together. There may be ways you can still do the things you did before, maybe just in a different way.

Jealous and envious

I wish I got as much attention as my special person
I wish it was someone else’s special person
My friends have lots more money and do more things than me

Thinking positively about yourself and your situation is key to helping with jealous feelings. Do activities like writing a journal, saying positive things to yourself, and recognising your own strengths and abilities.

Neglected

I feel forgotten
No one talks to me or tell me what’s happening
We don’t spent time together like we used to

When a brain injury happens, it’s normal for attention to be on your special person. Try to remember that everyone is trying their best to understand what is going on. No one means for you to feel left out. It may happen because so much is going on.

Anxious and concerned

What if other people I love get hurt or die?
There’s nothing I can do
I won’t be able to cope

These thoughts can be so strong that you believe them. Anxiety is worry and fear about everyday situations and the future you may be thinking about. You are going to be ok, even if you feel scared. By facing fears, you will feel less afraid over time.

Lonely

People say they understand but they don’t
I miss my special person and the way life used to be
My friends used to come over and now they don’t
I need to put myself last
No one tells me anything

Young people have said that it helped their loneliness to stay connected with their family so make time to talk to each other. You might find they are having a tough time too.

Hopeful

I am hopeful that my special person will have a happy life
No matter the changes, my family are strong
We will get through this together

Remaining positive is a good way to help your special person and your family. While life may have changed in different ways, if you keep a positive mindset, amazing things can happen.

Embarrassed

My special person speaks without thinking
In public, my special person laughs or yells a lot
My friends think my special person is funny, but I say “you should live with them”
We have to park in disabled parking now and everyone looks at us
My special person walks differently and uses equipment

Experiencing ‘invisible’ changes in your special person is normal and it may feel like you have become the parent in some ways. Try to find a balance between spending time with your special person and doing activities you enjoy.

Young carers

A young carer is “a child or adolescent who takes on significant and regular responsibilities to care for a family member or loved one who is affected by illness, disability, mental health issue or addiction“.

You may find yourself stepping into roles you didn’t expect at this stage of life. Many teens naturally take on and help with daily tasks like cooking, cleaning, or assisting your special person with basic needs. At times, you might take on emotional support, offering comfort or helping them cope with frustration and confusion. You may also act as a communicator, explaining things to doctors or other family members, or even organising appointments and medications.

Being a young carer is a role that requires maturity, patience, and resilience, but it also comes with unique challenges. It’s important to recognise that while caring for a loved one can be rewarding, it may also impact your own life, including school, social activities, and personal time. Many teens face a feeling of guilt between wanting to build their own lives, and feeling tied to their family or some level of a caring role. It is absolutely ok to be developing plans for your own life, but balancing this with the pressures of family or the special person can be tough.

You might feel isolated or overwhelmed at times, which is why it’s crucial to be as open as you can and seek support from friends, family, or professionals when needed. Balancing responsibilities is key—caring for yourself is just as important as caring for someone else. It’s okay to set boundaries and ask for help, whether it’s through support groups, school counsellors, or online resources. Ultimately, being a young carer can teach you valuable skills, but it’s essential to know that you’re not alone and deserve care and understanding too.

Impact on your family

Whatever your family situation, chances are things have changed since your special person had a brain injury. Changes can happen immediately, and keep going over weeks, months and years.

Teens have said that it would have helped to know what changes might happen so when they did happen, they knew and felt prepared.

Are any of these changes occurring in your life?

Your relationship with your special person is different?

They may be preoccupied with getting better and not understand how their injury has impacted on you

Your relationship with either of your parents or other family members has changed?

They may be juggling being at hospital and at home with you

You’re doing more jobs at home?

Are you cooking more? Doing more chores? Looking after your siblings?

Your routines have changed?

Are you going to bed later? Are you getting to sport? Are you spending some time between home and at the hospital?

Who looks after you is different?

Are family or friends coming over to help look after you? Are different people taking you to school? Are there different people in your house than normal?

The amount of money your family has, has changed and may be less than before?

Are you eating takeaway less? Are activities difficult to pay for? Have their been changes in your care givers ability to get to work?

Things other people can do to help you:

Go grocery shopping or run errands
Make meals and drop them over
Mow the lawn
Do chores around the house
Keep your special person company
Give you and your siblings rides to school, sport or appointments
Help with homework
Invite you over for a meal or day trip
Talk with and listen to you

What else might help you?

Talking helps

Talking can be hard but it does help. It’s important to talk amongst your family if you feel you are taking on too much. Try to remember that everyone is learning a new way of life, just like you. Sometimes these changes last a short time, sometimes they can go on for longer.

When talking to each other, here are some things you could do:

If you’re the eldest child, your brothers or sisters may look to you for support. Help them as much as you can. It’s ok to let them know that you’re having a tough time too. Think about how you could all talk to your parent(s) / care givers or other trusted adult about what you’re going through
If you are looking to your older brother or sister for help, tell them what you’re going through. They may be able to help but won’t have all the answers
Your family may be going through some stress. Your parents or caregivers may be more upset or not able to give you as much attention. They are no doubt trying hard to be everything to everyone. Hugs can say as much as words so try to reach out to them in any way you feel comfortable

There are services you can call, text or look at on the internet who can support you. If you are not sure, click here.

Setting boundaries

When someone close to you has a brain injury, you’ve learnt that a lot can change. They might act differently, forget things, or need more help than before. It can be confusing and stressful. You might feel like you have to do everything or always be there for them. But it’s really important to take care of yourself too.

That’s where boundaries come in.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are like invisible lines that help protect your feelings, energy, and time. They help you say, “This is okay for me,” and “This is not okay.” Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’re taking care of yourself so you can keep helping in a healthy way.

Why boundaries matter

After a brain injury, your special person might:

Get upset more easily
Forget things
Say or do things that feel hurtful
Need more help than before

This can be hard on you. You might feel tired, stressed, or even angry. Boundaries help you stay calm, avoid burnout, and keep your relationships healthier.

Examples of healthy boundaries

Emotional: “I need a break before we talk more about this”
Time: “I can help until 6 p.m., then I need to rest or do my homework”
Personal space: “I need quiet time in the morning”
Respect: “I want to help, but I won’t keep talking if I’m being yelled at”
Caregiving: “I can help with meals, but I need help with other stuff”
Social: “Thanks for inviting me, but I need some time to chill today”

How to know you might need boundaries

You might need to set some boundaries if:

You feel guilty saying “no”
You’re often tired, stressed, or annoyed
You dread certain conversations or visits
You feel like you’re always “on call”
You say “yes” just to avoid conflict
You feel like your own needs don’t matter

Tips for setting boundaries

Be clear and kind: You can be firm without being mean.
Stick to it: Boundaries only work if you keep them.
It’s okay to feel guilty: That feeling will pass. Taking care of yourself is not selfish.
Ask for help: You don’t have to do everything alone. Talk to other family members or adults you trust.
Check in with yourself: Your needs might change over time, and that’s okay.

How to talk about boundaries

It can feel awkward, but here are some ways to start:

“I care about you, and I want to help in a way that works for both of us”
“Things are different now. We need to talk about both of our needs”

Need Support?

Setting boundaries can be tough. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure, talk to someone you trust like a school counsellor, therapist, or support group. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.

How else can you look after yourself?

It’s important to have a healthy mind and body while you juggle everything that’s going on. Here are some tips that have helped other teens:

Stay connected

Have a balance between your family and friends
Keep your hobbies and sport going
Spend time with your pet

Mindfulness

Listen to music
Get 8 hours of sleep
Take breaks when you need them
Read a book
Spend time off your phone

Avoid risky behaviours

Stay away from smoking, drinking or drugs
Address any issues at home as avoiding them doesn’t resolve anything
Make safe decisions if faced with dangerous situations

Be creative

Write your thoughts and experiences in a journal
Make craft to put up in your parent’s room
Learn to play an instrument

Eat and drink well

Eat a balanced diet
Drink plenty of water
If you’re hungry, go to the fridge instead of the pantry

Be active

Move your body by walking, running or playing sport
Keep your mind active by
Practice yoga or meditation

When to get help

Many teens feel sad, low or down when they have a special person in their life with a brain injury. This is normal, however, if the feelings last for 4 weeks or more and starts to interfere with your life and the things you used to enjoy, you may be depressed. The good news is there is hope and there is help.

If you answer ‘yes’ to these signs, it’s important to talk to someone you trust as you may need to link with a counsellor, psychologist or your normal doctor:

Feeling helpless or hopeless and that life has no meaning
Losing interest in being with family and friends
Finding that everything or everyone around you gets on your nerves
Feeling angry a lot of the time
Thinking of hurting yourself
Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy
Eating too little or a lot more than usual
Crying easily or using alcohol to help you forget or get through the day
Sleeping more, or less than you used to
Feeling tired a lot

Mindset

We all have self-beliefs or self-thoughts that may be positive or negative about our own abilities and potential. These beliefs are part of our mindset which shape our lives, by what we experience. A ‘growth mindset’ is when you believe you can always improve by putting in effort and using the right strategies. Developing a ‘growth mindset’ can help you in situations you may experience with your special person and to achieve your goals, whether they relate to you, your family, your schooling or your future. When faced with an experience, consider how you can have a growth mindset to help you through it.